Breastfeeding Ramblings

Going through this pregnancy, I looked forward to breastfeeding.  I know that breast milk is best for the baby and when friends would ask, I always said that as long as I'm able to produce milk, I plan to breastfeed.  I had visions of building a large stockpile in the freezer, having a surplus supply to provide Ellianna with milk for months after we finished breastfeeding.  I never imagined it would be so hard and frustrating.

Reality hits with 3 rounds mastitis the first month and clogged milk ducts on a weekly basis.  I spend my evening pump sessions scouring the internet and reading blogs from other moms, looking for recommendations on how I can better provide for Ellianna.  I have tried Fenugreek to increase milk supply but that caused Elli to scream and appear in stomach discomfort.  I have tried Lecithin which is supposed to thin the viscosity of the milk to prevent clogged ducts.  I've met with 2 wonderful lactation consultants (LC) who have been nothing but encouraging.  We fixed the latch issues that were occurring.  It's all about supply and demand.  The LC told me that women who have clogged ducts, typically do not have a supply issue, it is an issue of getting the milk out of the breast.  The LC encouraged breastfeeding then pumping for 15-20 minutes after each feeding...but in reality, who has that much time to spend pumping when there is a newborn needing your attention!  The LC also reminded me that pumping is not a true indication of milk supply because the baby is the best source to remove the milk.  The LC also stated that while I am home and exclusively breastfeeding, anything I am able to pump is a surplus.  We also discussed the blanching of the nipples.  Apparently for people that have Raynaud's (which typically affects circulation in the fingers and toes) it can also be present in the nipples causing vasoconstriction of the vessels.  Seriously?

It's amazing how great I feel when I have a good pumping session!  Then a bad pumping session is the exact opposite reaction and causes me to question how much longer can I do this?  Then the feelings of selfishness...if I close up shop, is it fair to Elli?  I should be able to handle the clogged ducts...Then the guilt about working.  After she was hospitalized, it motivates me even more to continue breastfeeding and doing my best to pump milk for her.  The mind games we women put ourselves through does nothing but increase stress!

I will admit that since we added formula to Elli's diet, I feel much less pressure about being able to provide all the milk she needs.  I'd say she is about 25% formula fed.  However, with the introduction of formula, came colic and that is when she got sick.  We are now on our 3rd type of formula so hoping that this one is better tolerated!  Talk about feeling guilty...  While I am at work, I make sure to pump for the missed feedings.  And by pumping at work means I am pumping in the car while driving between patient houses!  Thank goodness for the hands free bra option!  I told Ryan I've never felt more productive commuting between patients as I do with the breast pump going!

So, now that we are nearing her 2-month vaccines, I have told myself that we will reassess at that time.  Just one more week and she will have some vaccinations to help her immune system.  I am proud that we made it this far. Enough rambling for now...

The next post will be her 2-month update!  Time flies...